I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
