you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
