what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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