she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
