apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
