careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
