I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
