he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize