I look better un-naked...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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