Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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