They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
