you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
