Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
