Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize