Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
