I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
