I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
