im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
