Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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