Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
