Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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