I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
two words: eviction party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
