it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
