Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The Olympian is in my bed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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