She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
