hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
