you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
