At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize