he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
