I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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