well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Even my vagina gasped.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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