on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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