Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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