Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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