You're so nebulous sometimes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
