Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
