My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
