mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
