Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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