Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
