found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
