You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
