when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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