I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
