I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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