i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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