before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
