"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
