He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My liver just broke up with me...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize