You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
