I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rumble strips road head = magical
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
