GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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