somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
