There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
