i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
