the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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