Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
