I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
