My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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