All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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