she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
