you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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