we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
