The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
