Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
