did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
