My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
