piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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