She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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