after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize