I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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