Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
