I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
