Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
