Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
