The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
