I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
