Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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