It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
