She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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