I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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