My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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