i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
