Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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