Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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