this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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