but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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