Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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