I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
