I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
