it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize