tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
