Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
