i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
