I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
