Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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