I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
