Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
