My sheets look like a crime scene.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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