If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
