The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
