Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
