He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
