Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
