I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
