it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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