Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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