No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
