if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drake has all the answers
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
